But Even if You Don't...

There's just something about being  in a place of constant vulnerability that will bring you immediately to your knees. I was reading back through some of the posts I made while we lived in Korea. From the moment we stepped off the plane, we were vulnerable. We got into the car with complete strangers and moved to a place where we knew no one. We walked through this life one day at a time, constantly growing and learning how to be comfortable and familiar. We learned how to buy trash bags and tell the taxi where we wanted them to go. We learned how to order pizza and navigate the subway system. We bought groceries and decorated for holidays. Over time, we adjusted and found a new normal. God went before us and walked with us during that transition.

I really need this reminder of God's faithfulness right now. This year is only halfway over, and it has already been the hardest of my life. In February, I was told that the district was closing our program next school year, and that I, along with my fellow teachers, had to find new jobs. I was crushed. I genuinely loved my job, and unfortunately, the job I had was unique to that district. I cried and sought Jesus, searching for His plan for my future. Thankfully, the week of my birthday, God opened the door for me to be hired as a 5th grade ELA teacher at the school I wanted to work at in KISD. I am so thankful and excited about this new opportunity, but at the same time, I am once again in a constant state of vulnerability. You see, I had become comfortable with my previous job. Other than a few small changes here and there, I knew what to expect, knew my co-workers, and was familiar with how things were run. I suppose God decided it was time to take me out of my comfort zone and bring some new challenges and experiences my way.

Shortly after I was told I'd have to find a new job, my brother was admitted to the hospital for an infection. I went to visit him for his birthday, and it seemed as though he would make it out of the hospital. The following week I got a call from my mom that he had been put on life support following a procedure to remove his port, which had become infected. This was so scary, but thankfully after several days, he was stable on his own. Though he was stable, the doctors thought it best to move him to San Antonio, where he could receive more specific care. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, we found out that his cancer had returned with a vengeance, and it was only a matter of time before he entered the presence of Jesus. When I got the call that he probably wouldn't make it through the weekend, I rushed to San Antonio with my little sister, and I am so thankful for the final conversations I was able to have with him. We joked, laughed, sang, and read the Bible. He told me everything was going to be okay, that he loved me, and that it was okay to cry. He told me to spend time with the family and get everyone together for BBQs and basketball. When I told him that he has a great big family that loves him, he said, "I know. I've got my chocolate family and my vanilla family." I watched his eyes light up when I gave him a donut for breakfast and a sip of his favorite Dr. Pepper. I stood by his side and scratched his head, back and chest until he fell asleep. Over and over again, I released him to Jesus because I knew his time was coming. He took his final breath on Sunday, May 7th, and my world was forever changed. Once again, I'm in a state of complete vulnerability. It's now time to adjust and find a new normal.

In typical Sarah fashion, I have found myself in moments where I want to push aside my emotions, hide them under the rug, and focus on some menial task that takes my mind away from this vulnerability. I am scared of the future. I am anxious about this new normal. I am insecure.

But thankfully what I've realized is that God uses these moments of vulnerability to really shape and grow me. It's easy to praise him when nothing wrong is going on in life. It requires trust and faith and strength from Him to praise him when everything is going wrong. Honestly, I haven't wanted to put forth the effort to praise him in these moments, yet I know that is exactly what I need to do. He has been faithful in my life to walk next to me in my trying times, and I fully believe that he will be faithful to walk with me no matter how difficult I think life is. I just need to put in the effort. He's there. I just need to call out to Him.

These words from MercyMe's song Even If have really hit home these last few months.

It's easy to sing

When there's nothing to bring me down

But what will I say

When I'm held to the flame

Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith

To move a mountain

Well good thing

A little faith is all I have, right now

But God, when You choose

To leave mountains unmovable

Oh give me the strength to be able to sing

It is well with my soul

The Most Magical Vacation

It's always during this time of the year that I just want to sit at the computer and write. My life. My feelings. My relationship with Jesus. The words are all there, but I'm drained or distracted from this life I'm living. Something needs my attention and just like that, the blog isn't opened for another year. I have so many unpublished posts just waiting for me to finish them.

So, I decided to start with something that is on my mind a lot lately. Our vacation to Disney. I think the main reason it's prominent in my brain (other than the constant Facebook ads and Pinterest suggestions) is that Teaven and I had time just to ourselves. To explore. To grow. To have an adventure. And in this current season of life, we don't get as much time as we would like, and when we do, it's filled with stress from the outside.

Let's begin with Day 1. We stayed the night with some friends the night before our flight. We had great fellowship and conversation with them and so appreciate them taking us to the airport bright and early. I was anxious as we waited in the airport and boarded the plane, the way I always get when a new adventure is in front of me. I wanted to make sure that we had everything we needed and knew where we were supposed to go and when. It's silly to some, but the butterflies of anticipation just bubble up in me. The flight was short, but squished. We arrived at the Orlando Airport and followed the signs for Disney Magical Express. The moment I started seeing all the Disney signs, I just got so excited! The magic was already alive. We checked in, boarded our bus and were on our way to our resort!

Thanks to Disney Magical Express, we didn't have to worry about getting our luggage, so we went straight to our room when we arrived to check it out. The resort was beautiful. We only stayed briefly as we wanted to head straight to Epcot to start our Disney adventure!

We hopped on the first bus to Epcot and were on our way! Let me just say that the Disney transportation is totally worth it! I loved just being able to hop on a bus and not have to worry about where I was going.

That day at Epcot we rode:

• The Nemo ride - Loved it!
• Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Caballeros - cute!
• Living with the Land - So many hidden Mickeys!
• Mission: Space - our least favorite ride of all!
• Soarin' - LOVE!!! One of our favorites
• Test Track - Fun!
• Spaceship Earth

We bought our classic Mickey and Minnie souvenir hats, met up with some friends from high school, and ate dinner at the Biergarten restaurant in Germany. We loved walking around the World Showcase! Epcot was definitely one of our favorite parks!

The next day was possibly the most magical (for me, at least)! We woke up bright and early for breakfast at the Crystal Palace. Yummy food, and we got into the park before it got crowded. The castle just took my breath away. That morning was one from my dreams. 

Once the park officially opened, we booked it for the Peter Pan ride as we were told by our wonderful travel agent (haha, but seriously) Bethany Carter! 

At Magic Kingdom, we did:

• Peter Pan's Flight - cute!
• Buzz Lightyear's Ranger Spin
• Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
• Haunted Mansion- so fun!
• Country Bear's Jamboree
• Jungle Cruise
• Mad Tea Party
• Mickey's PhilharMagic
• Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor - super funny!
• Pirates of the Caribbean - one of my favs!
• Seven Dwarfs Mine Train - Fun!
• Space Mountain - another one of my favs!!
• Under the Sea - I just loved all of these themed rides!
• The Hall of Presidents
• Oh! The Electrical Parade! Love!

We ate dinner at Be Our Guest. That was probably our favorite meal! The castle just felt so grandeur!

Day 3 found us at Universal Studios. This was probably my least favorite park, most likely because a lot of it was under construction. The Toy Story Ride was by far my favorite here! I wish I would have ridden it twice!

At Universal Studios, we did:

• The Great Movie Ride - Fun!
• Muppet Vision 3D
• Rock n' Roller Coaster
• Star Tours
• Tower of Terror
• Toy Story Mania
• Beauty and the Beast - Live on stage
• March of the First Order
• Fantasmic

We ate lunch at Mama Melrose's Ristorante Italiano, which allowed us to get good seating at Fantasmic that night. Before Fantasmic, we ate dinner at the 50's Prime Time Cafe. This was such a fun place! 

Day 4- This day we had to switch hotels since Teaven won free lodging at Comic Con. You can't pass up free lodging. We had the resort hold onto our luggage and went for an early breakfast at Chef Mickey's. This was also the day we had our very first Uber ride! Chef Mickey's was good, but we like the Crystal Palace better. 

After Chef Mickey's, we hopped on a bus to Animal Kingdom. My favorite thing here was probably the Bug's Life show. One part made Teaven almost jump out of his seat. haha I also enjoyed Expedition Everest. Wait! The Finding Nemo Musical was amazing!

At Animal Kingdom, we did:

• Expedition Everest
• Kiliminjaro Safaris
• Finding Nemo - The Musical - SO SO SO good!
• Dinosaur
• The Jungle Trek

We grabbed a quick snack at Flame Tree Barbecue, which was delicious and had a great view of Everest. 

That afternoon we swapped hotels and headed to Magic Kingdom for the last time. *tear* Originally, we had planned to skip eating in the Cinderella castle, but after seeing it on Day 2, we had to see if they had any reservations left, not expecting any on such short notice. Thankfully, they had a table for two for Friday night (Day 4). I was soooo happy!

We walked around to all of the things we missed the first day, rode some of our favorite rides again (Space Mountain) and rode the train around the park. The Cinderella Castle was magical, and I'm very thankful I had the experience! It's not something I'd do again unless I had a little daughter I could dress up. :)

Day 5 - In the morning, we had to go to a presentation in order to receive our free lodging. Once that was over, we headed back to Epcot. We rode our favorite rides (Soarin'), and I tried my hardest to get a last minute Fast Pass for the Frozen ride. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful and not willing to wait in line for 2 hours. We leisurely walked around the showcase and ate dinner in Morocco. A great end to a magical visit to Disney!

Day 6- Harry Potter here we come!Teaven was most excited about this day! To be continued.. I'm sleepy.

Our First Home

As most of you already know, Teaven and I bought our first home! We had been praying about it for a while, and then we started looking around town. We decided that it would be a great option for us to build, and we are so excited about the process! I'm not going to lie, it has been really frustrating at times dealing with paperwork and having to prove to people that we lived off the economy in South Korea! But watching it come together has been so fun and rewarding!

Last week, our framing went up. My dad mentioned going out and writing Bible verses on the framing, and Teaven and I instantly fell in love with the idea. So, Wednesday, Teaven, my mom and dad, Josh and Brittany and I went to the house and wrote Bible verses.

Some we chose specifically for certain rooms.. others were just favorites of ours. So, let's go over the sweet reminders that will be hiding within my walls.

Let's start with the entry way (which I conveniently forgot to take pictures of.. go figure)..

"You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out." Deuteronomy 28:6

"...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

In the kitchen:

"My God shall supply all our needs according to His riches in glory." Philippians 4:19 

"Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing.." Philippians 2:14 (This one is also in the laundry room for all those times I don't want to do chores.)

In the bedrooms:
"In peace I will lie down and sleep for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe." Psalm 4:8

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17 (This is in the bedroom where we hope to have foster children or adopted children someday.)

In the master bedroom:

"Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together." Psalm 34:3

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

For the fireplace (this was one of our favorites!!):

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe for our 'God is a consuming fire.'" Hebrews 12:28-29

In the living room:

"How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity." Psalm 133:1

Longing

Some days, I just want to sit at my computer and write. Write about everything that is going on in my life because it's too sweet to forget it. Write about the pain so I can look back and see God's sovereignty and grace.

I wrote a lot in Korea. I took the time to sit at my computer and reflect. Looking back on it now, I wonder if that is one of the many reasons life was so different then.

I think it's important for me to write, important to watch the words travel across the page as my brain tries to sort everything out, important to be honest with myself.

I wish I took more time to reflect, more time to process the emotions, the feelings, the longing.

Each day seems to pass a little more quickly, at a pace I always longed for yet am not quite ready to embrace.When is there even time to stop and write?

That's all she wrote..

Teaven and I have been in school mode for the past two weeks, but today was T's first day with his students. He had a wonderful first day, and we are so excited to see where God takes him this year. My students started school today as well, but they won't come to the GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) program until next week. We like to give them a week in their normal schedule and classes before we take them away from it once a week. I'm super excited to meet my kiddos.

I haven't forgotten the 8 Week Challenge. These past couple of weeks have been difficult for me as far as eating goes. Teachers want to go out for lunch or grab a soda, and I don't hesitate to join them. Although, I probably should. I'm trying to get better... I promise.

As far as exercise goes, I've been doing great! I tried out TurboFire 2 weeks ago and barely made it through the 6 days. Let's just face it, people, I have ZERO coordination, and instead of looking as graceful as everybody else on the DVD, I look like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to punch someone. It's truly sad, and I refuse to let anyone in the room while I do it.

So, since I suck so much at intense kickboxing and the weather decided to cool down just slightly (is 95 cool to anyone else?), I decided to start running again. That's really the only exercise I enjoy doing and can stick with for a while. So, my routine has been to run 3 times a week and do some type of strength/scuplt 2 times a week. It worked out well last week, and I hope to keep with it this week. I'm starting slow, but at least it's something.
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I think I'm going to put the scale away for a while. It just seems to discourage me and make me beat myself up. I want this challenge to be about changing my lifestyle, not a number. I'll be able to tell I'm losing when my pants start to get loose. It's just something I need to do for me.

That's all for now, folks. Hopefully, I'll remember to update later this week about our jobs... and the fact that we are buying couches this weekend (you have no idea how excited I am about that)!

Kick it into Gear 8 Week Challenge

So, the 8 week challenge. What do I love so much about those? I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that 8 weeks seems like a doable time frame. I mean, I just started and only have 7  weeks to go. That seems short, right?

Why am I doing this? Because everything I have done up to this point of being in America has failed. Instead of maintaining my weight, I have gained it back. I'm so embarrassed about it. I have a lot of spiritual and emotional issues to work through during these next few weeks.

I need a goal. One that is doable.

I need to focus on my health.

I need to stop ignoring my issues.

So, I'm going to set this up weekly and follow the same structure I used when I did the BEW Weight loss Competition.

I just finished week 1, so here it is.

Weight Loss Goal by September 29: Lose 15-20 pounds

Pounds lost this week: 0.8

Progress Towards Goal:  0.8 of 20

Favorite thing that I made this week: The Parmesan asparagus I made last night! So easy and so tasty.

Exercising Goal for last week: workout 3 times

Did I do it? Yes! 

Exercising goal this week: start and complete the first week of turbofire

Healthy change goal this week: no soda. No coming home from work and getting fast food.

Recap

Alright, ladies and gents, it has been entirely too long since I have graced you with my blogger presence. I'm sorry, but what can I say? I've been living life. I really would like to think that I will get loads better at blogging regularly in the upcoming months, but who am I kidding? School starts back up in just a few short weeks.

Alas (yeah, I just said that), I will try to update weekly since I have started another 8 week challenge. More on that in a minute.

I'm pretty sure I could write a novel on what has gone on in the Barnums' lives these past few months, but I won't bore you with all the details. Let's just do a quick recap.

I was offered a position teaching Gifted and Talented students with Temple ISD. I will actually be at the same campus as I was last year. Each day my little kiddos (yes, they really are little! yikes!) will be bussed to our campus from all the elementary schools in Temple and then bussed back. I will have 1st-5th grade. 1st on Monday, 2nd on Tuesday, 3rd on Thursday. You get the picture. I am really excited about this opportunity and all that I will learn this year.

Teaven was offered a position teaching 6th grade World Cultures with Killeen ISD. This is exactly the position he had been praying for since he went to the job fair in March! Isn't it amazing how the Lord provides? He instantly formed a connection with the administration, and he is super excited to be working at this school.

Next week, we both start back with new teacher training. We've already been nonstop busy, and it's only going to get crazier from here! But, man, are we excited about it!


In other news, I've started a new 8 week challenge with some of my really great friends. Basically, my goal for the next 8 weeks is to exercise 3-4 times a week, eat healthy, and lose some of the weight I gained back. That's all for another post coming soon! But if you want to join me, please let me know!

That's all for now, folks!